Milk

 I'm joining with Marla for week two of the Radical Read-along.

 May I take a moment to say that this book, specifically this chapter, has changed my life?  I know, I know, this sounds so cliched and overused, but really it has.  So last month, I started reading Radical.  Now, I get so wrapped up into books that I don't typically notice chapter breaks.  Until I sat down to re-read Chapter 1, I thought that the part that impacted me the most was the first chapter.  Nope, it was the second one.  I need to preface this post that there is just too much to cover properly in one post.  I've decided that I'm going to just stick with describing how it changed my life.  However, that leaves out a lot of really good important material.  I may have to post again.  We'll see.  Anyhoo....here's my story.

 What hit me the most in this chapter was the insatiable hunger that the persecuted church has for God's word.  I do not have that hunger.  For most of my life, I've read the Bible daily.  I've gone through fasts where I've only read God's Word.  But to be honest, that's been out of a sense of obligation.  My pastors say that God speaks to me through His word, so I'm going to read it.  But for the most part, I'd prefer a novel.  And since I typically am reading something interesting, I often skimp on my Bible reading or approach it with a sense of duty rather than with anything close to hunger.

 Reading about the intense hunger these believers had for God's Word really convicted me.  For years I've journaled my prayers, so I grabbed my Bible and my journal and headed outside.  Sitting next to my forest, I prayed, confessed my reluctance to read God's word, asked for a holy hunger and then began to read where I had left off.  This verse leaped off the page and grabbed me by the throat: "Like newborn babies, you must crave pure spiritual milk so that you will grow into a full experience of salvation. Cry out for this nourishment, now that you have had a taste of the Lord's kindness." 1 Peter 2:2-3

 It's hard for me to explain fully how deeply that verse impacted me.  I should probably mention that I'm a lactavist.  I've exclusively breastfed my three babies and believe that breastmilk is normal for human babies.  Although I am very sensitive to the intense emotion surrounding feeding choices, I strongly believe that babies should be breastfed or given human milk in place of formula.  After reading the verses above, I suddenly looked at my faith through the lenses of a lactivist.  I have to say I was horrified with what was revealed.

 Although I hold up the Bible as the Inspired Word of God suitable for instruction, discipline and encouragement, I don't live that way.  Rather I've implemented my own form of "Breast is Best" whereby Scripture is best, but second best is okay.  Reading devotionals, Christian fiction or inspirational books or even some great blogs are just as good as reading the Bible.  I skim through my Bible reading or only half listen during the sermon because after all, I already know what's in the Bible, right?  I desire spiritual junk food, a heavily processed and salted gospel, rather than the pure spiritual milk.  As a result, I've wandered.  The previous verse(1 Peter 2:1) tells us to get rid of all evil behaviours.  He gives a list including unkind speech.  I'm sure the others apply, but as I've rejected the Bible, my speech became unkind.  I grew even more sarcastic, accusing, short-tempered and prone to gossip.  In fact,  I became addicted to gossip and forgot how to converse without gossipping.  Those memories fill me with shame. (I should insert here that God has been dealing with me on gossipping for the past two years.  He began the process after an innocent conversation with an unbelieving neighbour first revealed how wrong gossip is. It's still an area of temptation for me, but one in which I've seen huge victory.)

 As you can imagine, reading those verses immediately after reading the accounts of those hungry believers had an immediate impact.  I began a new practice of reading my Bible with my journal in hand.  I would read and then write out my prayers, digging into the Bible in a whole new way.  I've kept up that practice in the days and weeks that have followed.  It's been almost a month now of reading, praying and digging deeper.  I'm moving through the Scriptures slowly, verse by verse, sometimes skipping backwards if a verse grabs me or rereading entire passages for days in a row.  And in the process I'm learning something new.  God is speaking to me through His word.  There have been several times now where I have cried out to God and then been answered the very next day by a verse I was reading.  It is an incredible experience.  Also slightly shocking, since I'm not used to reading the Bible like a Skype chat conversation.

 Writing this is hard.  I am ashamed to reveal my previous passivity towards God's Word.  It pains me to see how deep sin got a foothold in my life as a result.  But it is so exciting to see that as I read in this daily new way, God changes me.  The growth in my life has been spectacular this past month.  My prayer is that I will continue to desire Him and will crave His Word more and more.