Today I'm writing my post for the final chapter of Radical. Wow...I can't believe we're done already.
So I'm going to start by being very very honest. When I read this chapter, I don't feel very radical. In fact, I really don't want to be very radical. Some of the changes suggested just don't seem practical for me. However, I have made some of the changes suggested. I've started reading my Bible with intention of reading it all in one year. Rather than follow a plan, I've decided to read my Bible during bathroom breaks. So far I've made it to Numbers. Although I've done this several times before, it's been awhile since I've read through the Old Testament. There's a lot to ponder there.
Praying for the world intrigues me. After finishing up Radical, I signed up to get the Unreached Peoples emails. Each day, I receive an email introducing me to a different unreached people group and suggesting ways to pray for them. Today while reading Radical, I was reminded to pray that God would raise up workers to share the Gospel with the people groups that I'm praying for. I'm also praying for my community around me. As I see different people groups, I try to pray both that the individual will come to know Christ and that the people group will as well. Today I started praying for the Russian-Israeli population in Canada as members of that group are increasingly coming to comprise my social circle.
Sacrificing my money for a specific purpose is something that I want to do, but not yet. See, my best friend who lives far away just had a baby. So I'm saving my very limited personal spending money up for a plane ticket to visit her. My husband and I do give, but we have very little extra income. This is where I run into trouble with the Radical experiment, because although I do want to sacrifice for a specific purpose, I also really want to go visit my dear friend and her sweet baby. Is it wrong to wait to begin this step?
Up next is another troublesome challenge. Platt encourages us to spend our time in another context. As I mentioned previously, I would love to go overseas. But so far God has closed those doors. For this step, I guess I will have to rest knowing that if God allows me to serve in another context, I will gladly go. Is that enough?
I'm finding this really frustrating because I would love to say wholeheartedly that I'm in. But for a variety of reasons, I can't. Or won't. I'm not entirely sure if I'm just being too selfish or if I have good reasons for not fully committing to the experiment. In the fifth and final step, we are challenged to become a member of a multiplying faith community. Last year, this wouldn't have been a problem. After a very challenging year, my husband and I made the difficult decision to leave our church. It had ceased to be a safe and healthy place for our family. We had been hoping to return, but at this point I'm giving up on that hope. With that in mind, becoming a member of a multiplying faith community seems almost impossible. We are attending a new church, but unlike the previous church, it isn't in our neighbourhood which is important to us. Many of those we wish to reach don't have vehicles and public transportation doesn't run often on Sunday mornings. Our goal is to attend a church that those we minister to can easily attend. With this goal in mind, we most likely won't be staying longterm at the church we are currently attending, even though we really like it. We are still involved in a small group at our previous church though.
This is hard. It's hard to write this post. I want to be Radical, I really really do. I want to live differently, to be sold-out for Christ, to impact my community and my world for Christ. But I often wonder if this is possible, if God can possibly use me to make an impact. I may not be able to do all of the components of the Radical experiment right now, but I'm going to make accomplishing all of them my goal, even if they don't happen concurrently. It will be interesting to see what this experiment accomplishes. I'm frustrated that I can't do all of these things right now, but reading Radical has definitely started a change in me.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
Dying to Self
Once again, I'm joining with Marla for chapter 8 of the Radical Read-along. Chapter 8 is entitled "Living When Dying is Gain: The risk and reward of the radical life." This may be a very brief post as my hand is very sore and numb tonight.
Living when dying is gain. Huh. Those are some very big words, but not ones I like, although this is a concept that I can currently grasp well. Lately, death looks much better than life. But this sentiment comes more from a desire to escape current struggles than it does from meditation on being finally in God's presence, in our forever home. Far too often, this life, with its worldly comforts, is where I want to stay.
Dr. Platt's main focus was on those who left everything, sacrificed their comforts, safety and in some cases their lives for the greater glory of God. I certainly don't want to make light of their sacrifices, but sometimes leaving it all and experiencing physical death seems, I don't know, easier than walking through other forms of dying for Christ. Dying to self can be much harder when it means remaining in the culture, in the same social circles, but choosing a life that leads to ostracism. After facing rejection and ridicule by friends, family and the Church, being eaten by cannibals sounds appealing. At least it would be over much quicker.
Much to my dismay, last autumn, I discovered what obedience to God could cost me. I obeyed and lost much. I lost my reputation, my ministry, my friends, my health and now my church. Sometimes I wonder if I've lost my sanity too. During this time, obedience seems far too costly. But what if I look at this through the filter of Jim Elliot's quote that he is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose? Then my journey takes on a different hue. Losing all of these things, especially my reputation and friends has been immensely difficult. But I would much rather have lost all this then stand before the Father and be revealed disobedient.
Recently I have been angry with God. I've been angry over the cost of discipleship and obedience. When I'm looking the right way, I see what God is doing through this both in my life and in the lives of others. Without the events of last fall, I would not have started writing my blogs. Both the outlet and the community I've found here have been blessings. Without the loss of my friendships and church community, I wouldn't have started building deep friendships within my neighbourhood and school community. These have both been a blessing and my mission ground. As of yet, no one has come to Christ but we have planted seeds which we continue to water and search for more fertile ground in which to sow more seeds. My marriage has grown significantly during this time of trial, as have several of my remaining friendships. I have a lot more understanding of what it means to suffer.
But there are other times when I don't see the rainbow, just the storm. When I view my current struggles through the lenses of our cultural Christianity, I wonder why God is rejecting me. In that respect, this chapter has been a much needed wake-up call. Contrary to the North American version of Christianity, this isn't for wimps. We aren't called to be blessed and coddled, to be rewarded materially whenever we obey. We are called to a war, where people die and are injured as they seek to liberate captives and destroy strongholds. I don't want to be a solider that quits, that whines over the realities of war and ends up either destroyed, taken captive or fighting for the other side. Instead I'd much rather live a life of crazy obedience to my Commanding Officer, one that may earn me reprimands but will ultimately bring glory to Him. Will my name ever end up on a list of heroes of the faith? I doubt it. But I hope to live a life of such obedience that when I finally do die, I can stand before the Throne knowing that I did not hold back, I did not waver, but that I lived a life that brought Him glory.
I guess this means I have to quit whining. :)
Living when dying is gain. Huh. Those are some very big words, but not ones I like, although this is a concept that I can currently grasp well. Lately, death looks much better than life. But this sentiment comes more from a desire to escape current struggles than it does from meditation on being finally in God's presence, in our forever home. Far too often, this life, with its worldly comforts, is where I want to stay.
Dr. Platt's main focus was on those who left everything, sacrificed their comforts, safety and in some cases their lives for the greater glory of God. I certainly don't want to make light of their sacrifices, but sometimes leaving it all and experiencing physical death seems, I don't know, easier than walking through other forms of dying for Christ. Dying to self can be much harder when it means remaining in the culture, in the same social circles, but choosing a life that leads to ostracism. After facing rejection and ridicule by friends, family and the Church, being eaten by cannibals sounds appealing. At least it would be over much quicker.
Much to my dismay, last autumn, I discovered what obedience to God could cost me. I obeyed and lost much. I lost my reputation, my ministry, my friends, my health and now my church. Sometimes I wonder if I've lost my sanity too. During this time, obedience seems far too costly. But what if I look at this through the filter of Jim Elliot's quote that he is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose? Then my journey takes on a different hue. Losing all of these things, especially my reputation and friends has been immensely difficult. But I would much rather have lost all this then stand before the Father and be revealed disobedient.
Recently I have been angry with God. I've been angry over the cost of discipleship and obedience. When I'm looking the right way, I see what God is doing through this both in my life and in the lives of others. Without the events of last fall, I would not have started writing my blogs. Both the outlet and the community I've found here have been blessings. Without the loss of my friendships and church community, I wouldn't have started building deep friendships within my neighbourhood and school community. These have both been a blessing and my mission ground. As of yet, no one has come to Christ but we have planted seeds which we continue to water and search for more fertile ground in which to sow more seeds. My marriage has grown significantly during this time of trial, as have several of my remaining friendships. I have a lot more understanding of what it means to suffer.
But there are other times when I don't see the rainbow, just the storm. When I view my current struggles through the lenses of our cultural Christianity, I wonder why God is rejecting me. In that respect, this chapter has been a much needed wake-up call. Contrary to the North American version of Christianity, this isn't for wimps. We aren't called to be blessed and coddled, to be rewarded materially whenever we obey. We are called to a war, where people die and are injured as they seek to liberate captives and destroy strongholds. I don't want to be a solider that quits, that whines over the realities of war and ends up either destroyed, taken captive or fighting for the other side. Instead I'd much rather live a life of crazy obedience to my Commanding Officer, one that may earn me reprimands but will ultimately bring glory to Him. Will my name ever end up on a list of heroes of the faith? I doubt it. But I hope to live a life of such obedience that when I finally do die, I can stand before the Throne knowing that I did not hold back, I did not waver, but that I lived a life that brought Him glory.
I guess this means I have to quit whining. :)
Monday, November 1, 2010
Hell Bound
Once again, I'm joining with Marla for the Radical Read-along. This week we're reading Chapter 7.
Unless they know Jesus, everyone around us is going to hell. Although blunt, this statement pretty much sums up chapter 7. This isn't anything new to me, but it certainly isn't something I want to think about. Especially when it means that the people around me that I cherish may be doomed for eternity. As I have several close relatives that aren't following Christ, this isn't something I like to dwell on.
In early posts, I've mentioned my desire to see my entire school community come to know Christ. This is partially because of this chapter. It's been hard to think that many of my beautiful friends are eternally damned. I can't deal with that. In the past, I've just not dwelt on it. But after reading this chapter, I was challenged.
I'm not handing out tracks, or standing on the corner with a megaphone. But I am being a lot more intentional, both in my prayers and my conversation. I don't typically speak freely about my faith. It just isn't always acceptable. Sometimes admitting I'm a Christian is a good way to end a conversation. But recently, especially after this chapter, I'm a lot more open about my faith. I'm not pushy, just genuine. I don't choose my words quite as carefully as I used to. And I'm ashamed to admit that I had stopped praying for people's salvation. I'm not sure why, I just had. I've started praying again, sometimes broadly, sometimes more specifically, but always for the salvation of those around me, sometimes even for strangers. Strangely, I'm also being a lot more open about my struggles, especially how my faith ties into them. I'm not selling a dream, but a hard faith, one that is well worth the cost.
Beyond praying and more open conversation, I'm also being more intentional. We are setting aside one evening a week for relational evangelism. At this point, this consists mostly of building relationships. As time progresses, we hope to be able to share our faith and lead those around us to Christ. Tomorrow my daughter's teacher will be coming for dinner. We went to high school together and could have been good friends, but, to our mutual regret, were too defined and confined by our labels. My house may not be clean, and dinner may end up being from Pizza Pizza, but I am committed to building a relationship with this lovely woman so that she and her partner may know Christ. I doubt it will happen overnight, but I want to be intentional in building relationships, praying and sharing Christ so that she and many others will worship before the Lamb when Time has run its course.
I have to apologize for this post. My head is filled by thoughts of assault rifles and refugees.
Unless they know Jesus, everyone around us is going to hell. Although blunt, this statement pretty much sums up chapter 7. This isn't anything new to me, but it certainly isn't something I want to think about. Especially when it means that the people around me that I cherish may be doomed for eternity. As I have several close relatives that aren't following Christ, this isn't something I like to dwell on.
In early posts, I've mentioned my desire to see my entire school community come to know Christ. This is partially because of this chapter. It's been hard to think that many of my beautiful friends are eternally damned. I can't deal with that. In the past, I've just not dwelt on it. But after reading this chapter, I was challenged.
I'm not handing out tracks, or standing on the corner with a megaphone. But I am being a lot more intentional, both in my prayers and my conversation. I don't typically speak freely about my faith. It just isn't always acceptable. Sometimes admitting I'm a Christian is a good way to end a conversation. But recently, especially after this chapter, I'm a lot more open about my faith. I'm not pushy, just genuine. I don't choose my words quite as carefully as I used to. And I'm ashamed to admit that I had stopped praying for people's salvation. I'm not sure why, I just had. I've started praying again, sometimes broadly, sometimes more specifically, but always for the salvation of those around me, sometimes even for strangers. Strangely, I'm also being a lot more open about my struggles, especially how my faith ties into them. I'm not selling a dream, but a hard faith, one that is well worth the cost.
Beyond praying and more open conversation, I'm also being more intentional. We are setting aside one evening a week for relational evangelism. At this point, this consists mostly of building relationships. As time progresses, we hope to be able to share our faith and lead those around us to Christ. Tomorrow my daughter's teacher will be coming for dinner. We went to high school together and could have been good friends, but, to our mutual regret, were too defined and confined by our labels. My house may not be clean, and dinner may end up being from Pizza Pizza, but I am committed to building a relationship with this lovely woman so that she and her partner may know Christ. I doubt it will happen overnight, but I want to be intentional in building relationships, praying and sharing Christ so that she and many others will worship before the Lamb when Time has run its course.
I have to apologize for this post. My head is filled by thoughts of assault rifles and refugees.
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